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Why We Go Back...

“When I’m at war all I think about is home, When I am home all I think about is war,”- That is a quote I’ve heard several times since returning home from downrange and it is 100% accurate. Once your foot touches American soil, immediately you go down the checklist of all the things you dreamed of doing while you were in the shit. Women, beer, food, fishing, football, and family. The list can go on forever. And you enjoy every minute of it because for most of us we really didn’t believe we would ever make it home alive. You repeat your post-war bucket list over and over with each time being better than the last. Eventually, though you hear that bugle call once again and it’s time to snap back

He Carried a Boulder up a Mountain..

Ancient Greek mythology told a story of a man who had to carry a boulder up a mountain and once he reached the top, the boulder would fall back down for him to carry up again. This was the story of Sisyphus. There could be many analogies drawn between Sisyphus and the constant battle of PTSD, but there would be something missing - you (owner of PTSD). You are capable of changing the depth of the boulder's fall down a mountain. All people suffer from something every single day. It is up to you to make sure those pitfalls do not end up becoming the end of you. Continue to fight. Continue improving yourself. Never let those memories win. Talk with people who care about you. Talk with people

A Great Contradiction

Do not shut down. Do not block yourself out. PTSD is winning right now. You fought. You stepped over dead bodies. You were shot at. You struggled with loss. Noises were loud and your brothers' and sisters' lives needed protecting when those noises came. Thunderous explosions, alarms, screams, shouts, cries, smoke, and everything in between made the evil and horror of war real.  But this is the greatest contradiction because.. It was the most alive you've ever felt. You felt as if you meant something. You felt as if you were making a difference. You felt your mission was greater than any other. The proposition of dying in war almost excited you at times. Knowing your brothers and sisters

A Norse King-God's Outlook Changed Mine on PTSD and Here's Why...

A quote from a book I am reading - 'Warrior's Return: Restoring the Soul After War' - states: "In Norse mythology, the king-god Odin gave an eye for wisdom. What if this wound (PTSD) is the eye we pay for wisdom and the path to it? Can we understand traumatic wounding not as unjust and horrible occurrences that victimize us and should not have happened? Rather, can we understand it is a pathway to initiation and transformation that, in spite of our suffering, can become our great teacher and gift?" This book changed my outlook on PTSD. I owe part of where I am mentally to this book. PTSD does not have to be crippling. You do not have to let PTSD define you. You are a survivor. You beat the o

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