A Great Contradiction
Do not shut down. Do not block yourself out. PTSD is winning right now. You fought. You stepped over dead bodies. You were shot at. You struggled with loss. Noises were loud and your brothers' and sisters' lives needed protecting when those noises came. Thunderous explosions, alarms, screams, shouts, cries, smoke, and everything in between made the evil and horror of war real. But this is the greatest contradiction because.. It was the most alive you've ever felt. You felt as if you meant something. You felt as if you were making a difference. You felt your mission was greater than any other. The proposition of dying in war almost excited you at times. Knowing your brothers and sisters would tell your story for the rest of their lives. You would have lived a remarkable life, you did something others would speak about for their eternities. But now you are away from it all. You survived. The new missions are meaningless. The marches. The guards. The posts. It is all meaningless now. You don't understand the point. Then you begin to notice all noises are louder. Your senses are forever heightened. A look on the face of a stranger speaks louder than the words coming from his or her mouth. Cars, roads, trucks, fireworks, concerts, bars, laughter, a phone's alarm, and anything else in between could spark a spiral event of flashbacks, sadness, feeling useless, etc.
If someone offers to listen then vent. Who cares who it is, get it out. Survive. Fight. Everyone fights a battle, it just so happens yours is a warriors fight.