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A Grunt's Mind: Through the Night

March 21, 2020 My body responds to the tension in my brain. My legs rub like a cricket as fast as my news feed fills, disrupting any attempt to sleep.

Thoughts are firing through my head, causing my own panic and sensory overload. "COVID-19," shifting political agendas, my own bills, and an ex.

The white static noise of a fan desperately trying to drown out the negativity and loss in my mind, but to no avail.

The thoughts are crushing.

I feel as if I'm laying on a bed of broken glass;

Broken dreams.

A product of my decisions.

A sense and feeling of decay beyond my expiration date.

Self doubt my blanket.

Attempts at positivity.

I love my friends and family;

But sometimes it's not enough.

I desire a title of importance but my name-tag reads, "Wayde."

No depth to the name nor sadness...I just am.

Existence without coexistence.

Alone; not lonely.

I am present instead of presence.

I would say tomorrow is a new day but tomorrow has already arrived.

Like laundry, I toss and turn.

Thoughts neatly folded until I must wear them again...tonight.

I will get through the day but will I get through the night?

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